The Crisis of Identity
And Society’s Governance in Finding it
Life is full of change. It’s an inescapable component of simply existing. We change from helpless infants to impressionable children to unbalanced teens and grow into adulthood when we are expected to understand ourselves and the world around us as though 18 years is enough time to put such an intricate puzzle together.
And then there are societal norms, the invisible, misguided force that drives so many of us to seek out success on a pre-determined path — one we often mistakenly think will lead us in the right direction to happiness. Go to college, get a job that provides you with status, and get those student loans paid off so you can save up for an overly exorbitant wedding to get married for what are probably the wrong reasons, buy a house to ensure you keep up with the Jone’s, and have a kid or two or ten so they can follow the same path similarly and keep society unblemished and running on cruise control.
The masses follow, as masses tend to do and life continues on its planned trajectory… until it doesn’t.
What the individuals within the masses forget is that they are just that, individuals, each having their unique and distinguishable set of characteristics, belief systems, core values, and desires in life that may not surrender to the “normalcy” that society has laid in front of us.
Those who recognize this are the miscreants, separatists, and freethinking non-conformists because that’s what society labels them as. They don’t “fit” the mold that society influences us to admit defeat to. The pressure of this societal authority, however, has a profound effect on many of these individuals and they often succumb to its power and dolefully fall in line out of the inherent need to survive.
There are, obviously, innate exceptions, but it is the same societal force that stifles their distinctiveness. Some may actually find happiness in following the status quo because meeting that sophistication has been their exclusive approach to finding purpose. Joining the rat race is their pursuit to the top by means of reputation, recognition, and financial security. But how often is this really purpose? I guess that depends on which rat you're racing.
The collective populace also holds many underprivileged individuals who desperately want the opportunity to walk society’s path, but are ingrained with oppressive perceptions leaving them doubtless they could ever become a valuable member of society. Their confidence to do so diminishes, passing the torch generation after generation.
These are often the people who get slapped with a stamp of freeloading parasites from those who have successfully met society’s standards due to the false integrity that comes with the chase. For those in this group who fight back against oppression, it’s possible they view their objective in life IS to be a part of mainstream society simply because they had to fight for the opportunity to get there, and winning that fight is part of their victory.
I am in no way dismissing the fact that some are comfortable in an effortless existence and never put forth the diligence to set and achieve goals or pursue a dream, but I can’t say that I even make sense of how anyone can go through life without aspirations of personal growth and change. These are our lost souls and I don’t believe they are truly happy being lost.
And then there are those who fight back against it all and meaningfully examine what their honest purpose is, chasing that purpose relentlessly to fruition. These are the entrepreneurs, artists, and creators. The experimenters, inventors, and counterculturalists. The ones that propagate progress and change society by deviating from the path set in front of them.
Without disregard for any person or persons who fall into these customary niches of society, they all have one thing in common. They are forming an identity to carry them through it all and this identity is their driving force.
But what happens when you begin to feel unsettled?
You’ve experienced life’s escapades, disappointments, and eventualities from forces that society cannot control. Happenstances, wayward phenomena, and exposure to life’s uncertainties have created a shift in how you view the world and your purpose no longer serves you. Your identity is in crisis.
According to PsychCentral, some common signs of an identity crisis are:
Feeling bored or restless with things that have felt satisfying before
Frequently asking yourself what’s the “point” of things you’re doing or roles you’re playing
Thinking more often about dying, or how quickly time is running out (especially during a particular type of identity crisis called a “midlife crisis”)
Asking yourself who you are, where you fit, or where you belong, or,
Often wondering whether you’ve made the right choices until now and are living up to your potential when you’ve always felt confident before
In layman's terms, it all comes down to the same question I am asking myself right now… WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING HERE? And what the fuck are the rest of you doing here?
I regrettably don’t have the answers for you, the questions above remain unanswered in my mind, but my conception of how to answer them is likely different than yours in any regard because of the idiosyncratic nature of the question. I am searching though and admit it can be disconcerting at times.
I do know this, however. The inevitable life changes that we all experience are what cause this questioning, analyzing, and desire for internal reformation. It’s an identity journey and it’s the most important journey we as humans can take.
Finding your true identity and aligning your morals with society’s standards is crucial for personal growth and fulfillment, but as the world changes, we change, and the journey can change with it. It is a journey that allows us as individuals to discover our authentic selves and values, independent of rigid standards in societal expectations and norms. Finding one’s true identity requires questioning and challenging commonality. Afterall, we all want to feel valued and respected… and we all deserve it.
There is honor in remaining devoted to our authentic selves.
It is about breaking free from the pressure to conform and embracing one’s uniqueness regardless if there is incongruence with societal norms, as true identity is not a cookie-cutter mold but rather a deeply personal and individual experience. Embracing your true identity and aligning your morals with it allows for a genuine sense of belonging and eliminates the need for pretense or societal validation. It empowers us to live a dignified life and build meaningful connections based on shared values, contributing to a more inclusive and accepting society.
My identity journey continues
as I reexplore my path of living as an adoptee without biological roots, the death of both adoptive parents, preserving the self through divorce, healing the trauma that led to the marital disunity, and pulling together all the pieces of a new blended family. It is likewise, a journey of aging, watching my children become adults and coveting their own identity independent of their mother, and exchanging memories with my current and former self… and all the things I have been in between… because my identity encompasses all of it.
To be continued…
